A Life in the Day of Ms Bennie Mae (complete)

A Life in the Day of Ms. Bennie Mae (complete)

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The power of a Man's Love

Percy Sledge said it best: When a man loves a woman, he'll trade the world for the good he's found. I'm not a man, but I sense that when a man truly loves a woman, it's very intense. So intense, it's scary. So intense, that they avoid it because they are scared of it themselves. They are scared of what their own love will do to them. They are scared of how it will make them look. And they are terribly afraid of hurt, because they hurt just as deeply as they love. And patriarchal societies say it's not ok for a man to openly emote pain for a woman. Somehow, crying is equated to the admission of power lost instead of a natural reaction to emotional pain. Sillies. When will they learn that everyone's eyes (both women and men) were made for both sight and tears? If you don't emote, you fester...literally. Negative emotions turn inward and manifest into all types of cancers and diseases. I believe that patriarchy kills men faster than women. Patriarchy does kill men faster than women. The general life expectancy for men is always lower than women. And black men have the shortest life expectancy. That means black men really can't afford to subscribe to patriarchal values. But they do. And because of it, they suffer. I want black men, generally speaking, to learn how to love without fear. They need it in order to survive. They need it in order for us to survive. We're in this thing together.

I like that line in Weezy's song when he says " Yea, my daughter be the twinkle of my eye, you hurt her, you kill me, and nigga I ain't bout to die. See y'all are at ground, and my daughter is my sky. I swear, I look in her face, and I just want to break out and fly." That's such a beautiful line, straight from the soul. I love it. A lot of artists speak love when it comes to their daughters and mothers, yet contradict themselves when it comes to every other female. But why is that? I feel like a lot of folks don't understand the contradiction. They don't understand the source, where the contradiction comes from. Black men have it hard. Very hard. Very very hard. And as far as their relationship with women is concerned, this is my theory:

They don't know how to express themselves to women who aren't guaranteed to love them unconditionally (i.e.- their daughters and mothers). If a man looses a love, it will hurt him badly because he wants love to last forever. And it's this fear of love lost where negative behavior breeds; yep, it's that fear and the insecurity they have in themselves, the insecurity that questions whether or not they can be loved. So they hurt women because they are hurting: they cheat. they lie. they manipulate. They cause emotional abuse to women because they have emotional cancer. And they can't cure themselves unless they kill the patriarchy that exists in their minds, because after all, patriarchy itself is a demonic cancer. It's patriarchy that tells a man it is ok to hit a woman. It is patriarchy that birthed rape. Patriarchy does these things because it wants to have power and control by any means necessary. But anyway, black men know they will always get love from their mamas. A mother's love will NEVER go away. A mother's love is unprecedented and unparalleled. And a daughter's love will never go away if the daddy loves her first. A baby girl is a daddy's special love because he gets to love her first and she won't leave him after he's expressed his love. And he'll do anything he can to protect her, because he doesn't want anyone to hurt her. So when something terrible happens to her, he dies emotionally, just like Weezy expressed in his lines. I have my baby picture up on facebook and the other day, when I was looking at it, I felt the urge to protect my 1 year old self; I was so innocent, precious...just simply full of positive, lovable energy (complimented by the all-white I was inundated in). And the other day, I came to an epiphany about my sister and texted her. I cried when I sent the text. I cried because I understood my father's love -how beautiful it is. When I looked at my baby picture, I saw him. And I saw the innocence and beauty of a child. I thought to myself, "I don't want anyone to ever hurt this child." It was an intense and surreal feeling because I understood just how valuable, precious, and lovable I am now. I pictured my father also seeing me this way, also never wanting anyone to hurt me...I cry as I write this. (revision – I broke down and cried like I have never cried before.) It's like I am embodying his spirit and feeling what he feels. It feels strange and natural at the same time. This isn't even the way I cry...I'm truly feeling his love for the first time, because he keeps his love to himself. He doesn't show me and my sister love - not in a way we can understand. But he loves us very much, almost too much. And it's too much for him to handle sometimes, so he tries to bury it when others are around. But when nobody is around him, he lets it out. He cries.

And my heart aches for fathers who can't be with their children. And children who can't be with their fathers. And children who are hurt or molested by their fathers. My heart bleeds for them.

What we as black people need to do to elevate is love. We need it. It's necessary. And we as black women need black men to alienate patriarchy and love us. It is then that we will have family again. We will have community again. We will have peace again. Nothing will be able to destroy us if we have love. We need the intense love of black men. I'm inclined to think that if black men cried in private with black women, if they actively sought to truly love black women, and if black women understood their tears, the entire enterprise of whiteness would die. Lol, we would have a utopian society. We'd have heaven on earth. It’s up to us. If you are at the crossroads, you know what to do. “I’ll see you at the crossroads so you won’t be lonely.” 2009 is the year of completion. Let it be so.

Oh! The power of a man's love....

Food for Thought- If you are in NY, visit the Schomberg Museum and the Studio Museum in Harlem. Tell me what you see… the proof is in the puddin, lol. Avoid red and black colors/together or separate...on your body or outside of your door. To the men, STAY OUT OF PLACES OF WORSHIP.

Posted by Ms.Bennie Mae at 9:46 PM